How to keep your kids stable when a marriage falls apart.
One of the most common questions I am asked when working with families in transition is, “Will my children be OK?” The simple answer to this question is that children will be as “OK” as their parents are. Given that recent statistics reflect 40 percent of marriages end in divorce, it is understandable that parents want to insulate their children from the associated pain.
Children look to their parents to figure out how to make sense of what is happening. They become reliant on their parents’ abilities to meet their needs, and this does not change because of a divorce. These circumstances should be managed in the same way the loss of oxygen would be on a plane. Put on your oxygen mask before securing your child’s.
So how do parents provide peace, security and predictability to their children when they are in limbo? Developing a healthy support system and ensuring good self-care are primary ingredients. Schedule something every week for yourself. Even if you don’t have a plan for the time, take the time. Transition is a time of healing.
In suggesting healthy support, it is not only that of peers and family, it is also seeking the proper professional support. It is important for your family to receive guidance from trained professionals who specialize in divorce work. Each family has unique needs that should be delicately tended to by professionals specifically trained to assist families in conflict.
It is quite common that one party has begun to emotionally withdraw from the marriage, while the other feels blindsided. This emotional discrepancy often leads couples right into the heat of conflict. All too often, children…